Alright, I think we’re set up. Ok. Um Matt, scoot up, up, scoot-scoot down… yeah, that’s good. Uhh, Ryan, look a little more attentive, please. Thank you. *Giggle* Lot of views here. Mark: Okay, ready?
Matt: Yeah. Alright, everybody ready? Okay. Alright, cool. Alright cool cool cool. Thank you so much for doing this, by the way. Thank you. Like, you don’t know how much this means to me. Take that for me… Little lower on the grip so you get a better angle when you swing at it. Okay. Alright, ooh. Man, heavy arms, man. Okay, so… Feel good? Feel good? Matt: Yes! Oh, let me just fix that down. We don’t really want to miss! *nervous laughter*
If we don’t want to miss! Okay, ready? Ryan: Uhhh….
Mark: BIG SMILE! Hello, everybody! My name is Markiplier and welcome to Let’s Play Surgeon Simulator in Real Life We’re going to be working on Matt here, we’re gonna be cutting into his chest cavity, and then we’re going to be taking out his heart! How about that?! It’s gonna be cool, I hope we have an- Ryan: Seriously! Wait wait… Ryan: We’re like seriously going to cut him open? Ryan: Like take his heart out and everything? Mark: Ryan, this is a “let’s play?” Ryan: Oh, so… okay we’re not… Mark: Can you not interrupt me when I’m doing this? Ryan: Sorry, I thought- I thought Mark: You’ll have- you’ll have plenty of time to talk, just let me do my thing. Ryan: Yeah, yeah. Mark: Okay? Ryan: I just thought… I just thought you actually- Mark: Are we cool? Ryan: I just thought you were really gonna cut him open Shh! Shh! Yeah we’re cool? Yeah, Yeah, we’re cool. Yeah SHH! Okay, Matt are you ready to be cut open? Matt: I am ready! Ready to get your heart removed? Yes! Get the… get the drill started. Okay, there we go. Let’s go. Now get the axe. Get ready to swing it up… aaaaaand-HERE WE GO! Ryan: N-n-n-no NO NO! Ryan: Okay, okay, you were actually about to go down on him! Ryan: See, that’s- that’s what I was worried about! Ryan: That’s what I was worried about- Matt: Have you not seen the game? Mark: Yeah, have you not seen the game? Ryan: See, I asked you beforehand if you were speaking literally, and you just kinda… kinda glossed over it… Mark: Ryan, we are playing Surgeon Simulator. What happens in the game? Matt: Yeah? What do you think we do? Mark: You CUT into the patient. You take out his organs! Matt: Yeah! Ryan: This isn’t play pretend… this is actually… Matt: That’s why it’s called Surgeon Simulator in Real Life! Mark: It’s called Surgeon Simulator in Real Life! Matt: That’s the name of the video! Mark: Have you not seen Minecraft in Real Life? We didn’t just DO Minecraft! We did Minecraft in REAL LIFE! We brought it into REAL LIFE! Ryan: I thought those were effects, like in After Effects or something. Matt: Oh my god, no. Ryan! Mark: Don’t be so naive! So, we’re gonna get into this. We’re going to cut him open. There’s gonna be a lot of blood so… that’s why you got the mask. Anyway, so Matt, you ready? Matt: Yup! Mark: Alright, here we go! Drop this drill right here… Ryan: N-n-n-n-n-n-n-N-N-N-N-NNNNNNNNNNNNNNO!
Mark: RIIIIIIIIIGHT THEEEEEERE! *cough cough* Ryan: Oookay, seriously! Ryan: Like blood is- *cough*- I’m trying to breathe right now I can’t- Mark: Ryan… Ryan: Just the thought of blood… Mark: Can you… Really, there’s going to be a lot of views if you can just MAN UP! Mark: And get this over with!
Matt: A lot of subscribers, a lot of views… Mark: Now that sounds nice! Ryan: I don’t think everything has to be about the views! Ryan: Like, what about, like, the safety? Matt: It’s Youtube, Ryan! Mark: Oh my god! Have you seen safety on Youtube? It doesn’t exist! Matt: I’m- I’m fine with this, Ryan! This is- this is what I want! Mark: See, he asked for this! Matt: If you… Look, if you take my heart out, I never have to worry about the risk of having a heart attack. Mark: Absolutely! Ryan: That’s like saying if I take your lungs out, you no longer have the risk of drowning. Matt: That’s actually a really good idea. Mark: That’s not bad, yeah. Matt: Can we do that? Mark: Yeah, absolutely! I just slice into your neck… and uh…. Matt: Gills? Yeah. Mark: Yeah, gills. Yeah, gills. Yeah, gills, neck, gills, gills, gills. Matt: Alright. For real this time, let’s go. Ryan: So, you’re going to put this blade against his throat and hopefully gills will just appear? Matt: That’s how it – Ryan! Ryan: What? No- Mark: Yeah, sounds good. Alright, I’m gonna come down in one swift motion onto your neck. Ryan: *Distressed groaning*
Matt: Ready? Ryan: Okay, okay, okay, I’m not- SERIOUSLY, I’m not okay with cutting him open, Mark! Mark: Whew. No cuts? Ryan: No cuts. No cuts, no cuts right? Okay no cuts. Can we agree no cuts? Mark: No cuts, no cuts. Hand to God, no cuts. Matt: Okay, do it another way then. Matt: There we go.
Mark: That’s good. Ryan: Definitely not, Mark! Mark: Why not?
Ryan: That’s a gun! Mark: What-
Matt: And? Mark: It’s not- it doesn’t cut. Ryan: Surgeon and guns don’t go together. Mark: One hundred percent it does not cut, baby boo!
Matt: Oh my God! It’s gonna be fine! You just gotta let the gun be what the gun is! Ryan: *Pffft* Stop. Mark: Thank you. Alright, so we’re gonna penetrate into his chest, we’re just gonna UHH, we’re just gonna UHH, We’re just gonna get that… Matt: Just pull the trigger whenever you’re ready.
Mark: Ready? Alright, I probably should do another intro again, because… This whole thing’s been ruined because Ryan got… nervous on camera. You know how he is… Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier and welcome to Surgeon Simulator in Real Life. Mark: I’ve got-
Ryan: Mark, I’m not doing this! Stop! Matt: Ryan-
Mark: *Exasperated* Oh my god! *everybody arguing* Ryan: You put a gun in my hand, and you have a power drill, Ryan: and one of my best friends is on the table, I’m not gonna fucking do this! Matt: Oh my god…
Mark: It’s not even a gun! Ryan: What it… THIS? Mark: Ok, it’s a gun, yeah. It’s 100% a gun. That’s definitely a gun. Ryan: If something goes wrong,
Matt: Yeah? Ryan: which-
Mark: It won’t… Ryan: There’s a high chance… there’s a high chance it-
Mark: It won’t… IT-IT WON’T, IT WON’T, IT WON’T! Ryan: I’m not saying I’m- I’m jus- Ryan: *looks at Mark*… What? Mark: It’s called leading a legacy. It’s about what you leave behind…not what you have. It’s about what you leave behind… not what you gain. It’s about what you leave behind… not what you make. So just… do this for me, and we’re gonna remove that heart… And we’re gonna UGGGHATDFFKANS Ryan: MARK, I’M NOT DOING THIS! Ryan: I’m not ok with this, I’m sorry. I… just can’t do it- I just can’t do it. Mark: Ok, let’s just give this… give this one more try. Matt: Just try, Ryan. I’m giving you the OK to do this! Mark: ONE more try, Baby Boo. ONE more try! Matt: Look- look at me…
Mark: ONE more! Matt: Look at me.
Mark: Look at him. Matt: I want this. Mark: Look at the s-
Matt: It’s for the video, dude! Matt: You’re gonna be fine! Stop worrying about it! Ryan: Matt, it’s not about what you want, it’s like ju-
Matt: You always worry about everything! Ryan: – my fingerprints are on the drill and the gun-
Mark: It’s okay, it’s okay… Ryan: I-I honestly would feel better if we just cut- Ryan: cut- let’s talk about this…
Matt: GOD! Mark: I am not wasting this footage, Ryan. I am NOT wasting my time here! Matt: The battery on the camera’s probably going to die!
Mark: It’s about to die. Mark: We need to get this done…
Ryan: Well then I’m not- I’m not g- Ryan: Okay, I’m not doing it! I’m not doing it! Ryan: Like, charge the battery, rethink things, Ryan: I’m not doing it! I’m not doing it like this! Matt: It’s Mark’s video, do you think he got this successful for rethinking things? Mark: Do you think I got anywhere by thinking about what I did before I did it!? YOU THINK I GOT ANYWHERE ON YOUTUBE WITH THINKING!? I JUST DO!! Mark: JJFSHSFHSHFHSFH
Ryan: MARK! STOP! PLEASE DON’T! OKAY! Ryan: Okay! Okay! Seriously, I’m not giving you permission to do this, Ryan: if you post it, I’m-I’m f-filing a lawsuit or something, Ryan: it’s-it’s against the law to use footage that someone didn’t g-give you permission to use… Ryan: *Heaving breathing*
Matt: Okay, he-he’s not gonna do it. Matt: Plan B?
Mark: Plan B. [Rustling with muddled speech]
Ryan: What’s Plan B? I don’t even know what’s Plan B… [Deep voice] Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier and welcome to Surgeon Simulator in Real Life… [Power drill noise with gross sounds] [Splat]
There we go! [Disturbing noises continue]
Lungs… get to the heart… GET TO THE HEART… [Darkiplier laughs] [Squeaching sounds] [rip in peace ryan]
[‘Dangerously Juicy…’ -Markiplier 2016] Ryan: … oww.
Matt: Holy sh-