There’s Something I Never Told You

There’s Something I Never Told You

There’s something I never told you. But how do I tell you? How do I tell you something is wrong with me? How do I tell you I have depression, that I deal with it every day? That I have been for years? It’s so hard to explain depression to someone who doesn’t deal with it. It’s not something you just get over. You can’t just will yourself to be happy. I wish people would stop saying that. Imagine having a rain cloud over your head, all day, every day. Imagine not being able to find joy in anything. Imagine waking up every day feeling anxious and not being able to explain why. I wish I could control it. I’ve tried everything. I’ve watched the motivational speeches. I’ve read thousands of positive quotes. I’ve even tried the whole daily affirmations thing as if I could convince myself, am happy Honestly, sometimes it works.. for a bit But it always feels temporary, like I know exactly where I’m going to end up again. It feels like it gets worse all the time. Like a downward spiral that’s impossible to escape. It’s kind of like I’m treading on water, but my arms are getting really tired, and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to swim for. All you see is the outside, the surface. Because that’s all that I allow you to see. I don’t want you to see this side of me. The side of me that is me, but isn’t me all at the same time. I really feel like the real me is happy. I know it’s inside me, but it’s like I’m being weighed down by these thoughts. Sucking the happiness out of everything. I have so much to be thankful for and I know I’m supposed to be grateful for everything I have, But it’s like there’s something preventing me from enjoying it. Enjoying life. I feel guilty, guilty that I can’t appreciate anything. Guilty that I keep putting my problems on my family and friends. I’m Guilty that I’m always angry. Angry at life, I guess. I never thought this would be me. I used to be so happy, but something changed. The things that have happened to me, the mistakes I’ve made. Why do I replay them over and over in my head like they just happened? Torturing myself. What if I told you all this? What would you think of me? Would you judge me? Would you abandon me because you see the real me instead of the facade of happiness you’re used to seeing everyday online? Am I alone in this? Am I the only one who feels like this? I can’t be, but if that’s true, why doesn’t anyone else speak up above their own depression? All I ever see online are people smiling all the time. Nobody ever says they’re depressed. Is it all a show for views and likes? Or is it all real, and I’m the only one who suffers like this? Maybe I am alone. Or maybe there’s a stigma. All I know is I can’t do this anymore. Something’s got to change. It’s time to call it what it is: depression. And it’s real. It’s not just a series of weeks turned into months turned into years. This is not something I will just get over. I can’t do this on my own. I need help. Therapy, a psychologist, or even medication. Something. I know there’s no shame in getting help, hell, I’ve spoken so openly about the importance of mental health and the awareness of non social medias so many times. But the truth is, I’m a hypocrite. Because despite the campaign’s and posts and retweets, I’ve never taken care of my own mental health. So it’s time that I talk openly about this about my own struggles. The world needs to know the truth. Because maybe there is someone else out there that suffers like I do. Someone else who feels hopeless like I do. Who might find comfort that they’re not alone. Who might be inspired to finally get help. I have to try. So today it begins, and it starts with this video. It’s time I admit I’ve gotten comfortable feeling this way. I’m so used to feeling down that it seems normal. It’s what I’m used to, but no more. I’m going to go to therapy and whatever it takes because I know it’s worth trying. I’m going to seek real help because whatever it leads to has to be better than this. I’m not going to feel guilty or ashamed anymore. I’m going to pick myself up and do something about this. Depression is no longer going to run my life, Dictating my decisions. Today I’m taking back control. I’m taking back my life. So now you know. I don’t know what happens from here, but I know this is the right first step. So the only question left is, Am I alone? No you aren’t, Matt. You’re not alone. I and other true fans, friends and family will support you through all the hard times. We will all enjoy the good times. Good luck, Matt.

100 thoughts on “There’s Something I Never Told You

  1. It takes a big person to tell everyone about this kind of problem much respect for you to bring this condition into the open wish you all the best and praying you over come and have a very happy life your not alone

  2. damn bro i never knew i jus saw this video if u still dealing with this then i hope u know that all yr subs r with u in this

  3. I'm poor and stuck with my mom I can't have fun like other people I cant travel I cant do anything I lost a friend to demonic possession I discovered his tape recently come to my channel and search for it

  4. Hey, u you are not alone. There are people like us that feel just like you. But we can help each other, or that is the leas we can do. I do suffer from depression like tou but we have to move on there is always a solution. Allthough we don't always see or seek for one.
    So hit me up if you wanna talk or something and we can help you
    Stay strong:)

  5. You are not alone! I have suffered from depression for over three decades, and the two things that really made a difference in my life was first medication. Now sometimes people have to try more than one type, and it takes time for the medication to work sometimes 2 to 3 weeks. However with determination, honesty with your doctor, and letting people know what’s going on as you have, you can find the right mix that will work! The other thing that really made a difference in my life was therapy it is something that I Believe in and in fact, I ended up making a career in the field of mental health! It took tremendous courage to state which you have stated, you are a real person and a real man.

  6. I feel a lot like you. I’m married. With kids. I too always have a cloud over me. Everyday all the time. It’s hard. Everyday is a challenge. You got this. You have to. Rise up. If I could afford therapy I would go. GO!! Make you better. Take back your life! I’m on your side. I just wish someone was on mine.

  7. Hey Matthew. I also am depressed. I have a good life, a beautiful wife that loves me and awesome kids. And grandkids. That all love me and are in my everyday life,but I can never seem to shake it off. I deeply hope that u get better soon. Good luck Matthew…..and please keep up the freaking awesome videos.

  8. You didn’t explain why you were depressed and of course your not the only one thousands and millions go threw depression

  9. We love you Matt and we're here for you! I suffer with depression too it's hard as hell but your not alone💕

  10. Your not alone brother but. U should let your blessings cheer u up a little bit homie cause I'm stuck in life no money no family no nothing it could be worse for you just remember that

  11. I'm either depressed, crazy, or weird. I find myself constantly bored and often disconnect from everyone. I just don't feel like going places. I want to sit in my room and play games or work on programming… sometimes.

    Depression runs in my family, but it is hard for me to say I have it too. I see people have it worse than I do, I don't need medication or therapy. I feel kinda sad a lot though, and very little excites me. I am in a perpetual state of boredom.
    Idk, my family is full of strong men who went through a lot, just like me. I'll just do what they do and just keep living, doing what I'm supposed to.

  12. You're not alone trust me you're not alone I depression it's xiety problem saying anxiety other things to a few things that make me happy anymore in the world I don't like most people and things that do make me happy or my animals my dog my cats they do the things that make me laugh do you listen to me don't judge with that I'm happy at least for a while and right now I have other issues do me a favor remember one thing I don't care who it is what it is how it is there is nothing on this Earth that should ever make anybody take their life ever nobody and nothing is worth that I would cost

  13. Hey Im with you, im 17 and suffer from depression, its the same thing for me. always has been. Im with you man. Your channel helps me to be positive for once. Thank you.

  14. Much love from Holland Matthew.
    Very much.
    I was like this. For 7 years. Thought i was traumatised .Until i saw an Endocrinologist.
    Happens to bethe case thT manypeople have hypothyroidism withoutbeeing diagnosed.
    Because thw house doctor gets a checkmwith t2o components and has to use rule of thumb.
    In fact it needs. 5 fine mesurements to see if the thyroid works properly.
    I swear. I acted just like you. And then i landed in bed locking mys3lf up.
    Did not feel a thing.
    Now i take KELP for Iodine. Plus Selenium and Zink to absorbe it better. Eat freah food.
    With the Iodine, my world changed!
    This is one possibility.
    And you need sun . Because a Vitamin D deficiency can also gove you these symptoms.
    Also a testosteron imbalance can.
    But of you are bold the channce of this is small2r. Because that shows a natural higher testosteron level. All best wishes from the Netherlands.

  15. Thank you Matt. This means a lot. For someone who deals with this, I can't tell you how appreciative I am. Much love man!

  16. when someone commits suicide that’s their way of letting people know they’re not happy it’s their best way of expressing it and this guys is by making a video open your eyes and realize the hundreds of people who die by committing suicide, because for them that’s there best way of showing their not happy… your not the only one and i know you put it in here for the dramatic affect but like the amount of times you had to say that was so annoying

  17. I know it is hard to face the reality of having depression. I have depression as well as anxiety and it was hard for me to take that first step to get help. I did it and I am still receiving help to understand what I can do to change my thoughts and taking meds to make my life better.

  18. It hurts my heart to know this. Im so sorry you feel this way. As a person who suffers from depression, I found your channel and it made me smile. You never know what a person is going through… This took bravery 💖

  19. Have have clinical depression too I hate it I always am wired crazy happy the outside but inside I'm screaming trying to rip it out but I cant

  20. You are not alone, i have suffered from depression for years but i fought really hard to get better and i have been depression-free for 2years now, and back then i would’ve never believed i’d come as far as i have come now. I have so much respect for you for sharing such a personal video

  21. You are not alone. I fell exactly the same way as you. I have the same problems and faughts and I also heid myself from the world and show only a mask.

  22. My husband and I both suffer from bipolar disorder and the lows are almost unbearable at times. Most people who don't have depression don't or just can't understand or empathize with what we go through and just dismiss it because they think it isn't an actual problem. Like the 6.7k individuals who didn't like this. We wanted to say thank you for making this and helping others who are suffering as well. You are NOT alone-we are all here in one way or another.

  23. I know im REALLY late watching this vid but i just wanted to let everyone and matt know that u r NOT alone!!! I have severe depression and anxiety. I dont take any meds and i dont go to therapy but i have the support of my family amd my friends. It doesnt help that im bullied and my dad gives me crap for this because he doesnt understand. But as long as u have ppl that support u and help u thru and help u to see the greatness in urself u can manage. Matt is one of the best youtubers ive ever seen. Hes hilarious. But even the ones who laugh and make others laugh and smile (like me, Matt and countless others) have things happening to them that no one knows about. I have just opened up to my BF about something that happened to me TWO YEARS AGO. I was too ashamed to open up to anyone before. And i usually dont trust easily and if i do trust someone and they break my trust. Its a hard thing to earn back. But i want everyone and matt to know that no one in this WORLD. Is ALONE IN ANYTHING. I may be only 15 but i have learned that age has nothing to do with ur maturity level.

  24. You are not alone if you are serious you need psilocybin mushrooms and you need small doses 1-1/2 grams a every 5 days or so

  25. Depression is acting in a very personal form. You act like your okay, you act like everything is fine when in reality it's not. It's this mask you hide behind and all the while, you don't even understand why. It's like being dead in a world of living.

  26. we appreciate you, you know that right?
    your awesome and don't let anyone say you're not, don't let your head tell you you're crap cause you aren't.
    we get it, you hurt inside and it's not ok but there is always a happy place, always someone you can talk to, so don't let it hurt you.
    it's good you are getting help, cause no one can do it alone.

  27. I know what you are going through. I'm at that point myself. I would do something but I have an autistic daughter and she won't understand. I don't understand. I am trying really hard to stay for her. She is my life. But at times I feel she would be better off without me. Thank you for making this film and sharing it. I hope you all the best. You are an extraordinary man, with a beautiful soul. I wish I had been watching your videos before, they are wonderful and I like there content. Stay strong and God bless you. 💝💝

  28. I also have depression disorder called bipolar, it sucks but I’ve been free for over a year taking kratom. Look into kratom

  29. It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain. You’re not alone. Millions of people including myself suffer from this. People don’t show their depression. A good therapist plus the right medication helps. Maybe there is a group meeting in your area you can go to.

  30. I just found this video and your not alone I don’t feel joy in things anymore and multiple attempts of suicide

  31. I admire your courage. It took me many years to even speak about it. But it helped when I finally admitted it to myself and stopped feeling embarrassed, or weird. I went from suffering with depression, to living with it. And you are never alone and I am a fan for life. When I realized others were living with it, I felt no longer alone and took the steps to get help. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this video, words can’t describe my gratitude.

  32. I have never really had depression before but I know what it feels like. Like a never-ending thirst, like feeling anxious about something but you don't know what it is. The NeverEnding emptiness is what it feels like sometimes. Eventually you just go numb though at least for me. I can usually never really find a way to get out of bed ever since a year-and-a-half ago. When my brother just left like that. He didn't even say goodbye, I guess I can still talk to him I guess but only through Instagram but it's not really the same. I can barely remember to this voice. But hey , you're not alone, you're never alone. There's always someone there. Don't give up, you have a lot of things to be thankful for. So go on for the people that you have cheering you on.

  33. Bro, you are not alone, I can assure you that you are not alone. I felt this way for a long time. Not going into details, memories tore me to shreds, every day. The thing that got me through it, more than counseling or meds was a strong support group of friends. Asking if people are going to abandon you, it’s a real fear, but your true friends are going to be right there with you. I pushed people away and was mean to them. Like trying to make sure they wouldn’t walk away. What I found was people who understood what I was going through and only then did things change. When most women would have straight walked away, the woman I would marry doubled down on how much she loved me. We have been married 18 years, 3 kids and I couldn’t be happier. I’m not wealthy, but my life is rich.
    I know you hear this all the time, but I’m here if you ever want to talk. Nothing, and no one, in life has the right to rob you of your worth. Not even you have that right.
    It’s incredibly brave to speak up. I hope you have the opportunity through this to help others, as well as yourself.

  34. u probably wont see this and i feel a little bad as a long term sub i didnt know as i myself have been going through depression since i was 14. iv been in mental hospitals three times. dont look at the internet as it real life, thats what iv learnt. youre doing everything you can do to make it go away forever. im not sure if it dose but i hope if it dose you can leave it behind due. take care matt. hope you are feeling a hell of a lot better nowadays lad!

  35. Thank you so much for this video! I am so proud of you for getting the help you needed. I struggle with depression as well (have most of my life) and I stumbled upon your videos lately and have been watching them when I feel down because they are so happy. It's always the funniest people who seem to be the saddest on the inside. I have lost 7 friends to suicide, so I know just how important working on one's mental health can be. Thank you for being a true role model with your honesty. It may (if it hasn't already) save lives. You are definitely not alone!

  36. You are so not alone. I remember when I first recognized I needed help. I was 16. Now I'm 44 and have hit a hard wall again. Depression is pervasive. It invades every aspect of your life. When you said that you think the real you is happy, I believe that. It's the chemical imbalance inside you that causes those feelings of depression and anxiety. Medication, therapy, exercise, a healthy diet, meditation or something similar–these are all tools that can help us combat our illness. Because that's what depression is, an illness. We have to be vigilant, because it's kind of like being diabetic in the sense that when we're feeling good, that we've got all our symptoms well controlled, we can't slack off and get lazy about our treatment. If a diabetic did that then they could suffer horrible consequences, and so can we. Stay strong. You're worth the fight!

  37. You are not alone. You are brave. I have been treated for mental illness for a good share of my live, it is very hard to ask for help. But how are you doing today? Will you please do a follow up and let us all know how you are doing today. Thank you for speaking out.

  38. You need to come home to Canada! All the crazy Canucks will make you laugh, and lift your spirits! You also need to see someone about PTSD! But both my wife and I suffer from depression too and we just try to take it one day at a time. You are not alne in this battle bud!

  39. Thank you so much for this video matt. I watch all your videos on YouTube and I follow you on social media. Never be ashamed of having depression
    never be ashamed of having anxiety. Never be ashamed of telling the world what’s really going on. Never be ashamed to show your true side. Never be ashamed to surprise the haters in the people out there that will bring you down and make you feel worse in less than. Never be ashamed to cry. Never be ashamed to tell us what’s really going on, because this video I can almost guarantee you probably save somebody’s life 🤗 ❤️

  40. I’m right there with you, brother. The worst think you can do, in my experience, is to keep pretending nothing is wrong and making excuses for your depression-related feelings and behavior. If you truly want to be happy and to heal, you will absolutely have to get over caring about what other people think of you and your illness. And then, you’ll need to begin weeding through all of your friends and acquaintances and surrounding yourself only with the people that TRULY care for you and who want to see you get better. Much more difficult than it sounds.

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